When I was in school, martial art films were the only thing Chinese on the market. Albeit dubbed, they also formed a clear majority of ‘English films’ that made it to the city in VHS format.

Many in my age group then had a major love for these films: the language was barely comprehensible, the action was great, the stunts real and one didn’t really have to bother with who was playing the main character.

Ten years on, teenage times, and the action on tape had turned a tad more carnal. Funnily though, and I only recently awakened to this odd similarity, these films of the flesh were not much unlike Chinese martial art films.

Almost all films started with an ‘Action’ sequence, even before the title screen had rolled (not that the titles mattered). This was followed by some exchange of heavy words which would lead to more ‘action’. In fact anything that a person did, or didn’t, led to action, or in inaction (what, you don’t watch S&M!?) with plenty of moaning and groaning. For most such sequences the basic flow and movements remained the same – just the location and the number of people involved in the scene kept changing. Both film styles offered little by way of plot and in the end one person was always dead pooped and lay flat on his back while another would limp home to hot soup (I have seen porn with hot soup being served I assure you).

Today when Chinese martial art films are using over-the-top visual effects and English-speaking actors, they have become much more structured and are almost as slick as Hollywood flicks. With much pride I can say that the porn industry has made no such advances and even today it remains as true to its intrinsic nature as always.

In ‘How to travel with a Salmon”, Umberto Eco briefly explained to one and all how to tell the difference between a porn film and a non-porn film. Well, Mr. Eco, do visit this category again and elucidate how to tell that a director is not using the same script to make a porn film and a Chinese martial art film?!